Okay. Seriously, now. If negative energy was electricity, we wouldn't be having an electricity crisis. We'd be powering our homes and offices on all the bitching and moaning and whining, with enough left over to electrify a small developing nation to the north of us.
Honestly, if I hear just one more person saying that we're becoming another Zimbabwe, or that the World Cup should go to the Aussies, or that at least the lights worked when PW Botha was in charge, I swear I'm going to sit right down and draw up a list of Ten Good Reasons Why We're Probably Going to Get Through This Stupid Crisis. Okay, you asked for it:
1) People are sitting around boardroom tables right now, swigging glasses of Klipdrift and figuring out ways to get us out of of this mess. It worked in 1994, so why shouldn't it work now?
2) This country was built by people who didn't have electricity. Following which, hundreds of years later, this country was liberated by people who didn't have electricity. (Look, if we ever run out of charcoal briquettes and firelighters, that's when you really need to start worrying.)
3) Even while parts of the country are in darkness, other parts of the country are ablaze with light. That means something must be working, even if it's only the computer that governs the load-shedding.
4) Nothing brings South Africans together like a common hatred of their elected officials. If we do manage to get through this, it'll be in spite of the politicians, not because of them.
5) Practically speaking, South Africa has as much chance of becoming another Zimbabwe, as Zimbabwe has of becoming another South Africa. And if that does happen, we can always just move to Zimbabwe.
6) The 2010 FIFA World Cup is a big dazzling beacon of light that reminds us how much is at stake and why we need to get things working again. Just wait and see - it's going to be the best damn thing to happen to South Africa since, well, the Rugby World Cup, and if you don't believe that, you're probably an Australian.
7) 'n Boer maak 'n plan. But a Boer and a Darkie working together - man, that's what makes the plan work.
8) Alles sal regkom.
9) Failing which, Allesverloren. Their 1996 Shiraz is a particularly impressive vintage, and you don't need a working refrigerator to enjoy a good bottle of red.
10) The vast majority of South Africans are good and decent people who live in hope. But you know something else? They work there, too.
Okay, that's enough positive energy for one day. I'm going to bed, so I can get up nice and early to continue my whining.
